___Pouring On This Side____

the whatever entry
I was writing a poetry when suddenly my IE shut itself and I had to start this entry all over again. Bah.
This entry goes out to ALL my mates. I miss you, love you, and each of you always does have an intense place in my heart, however brief my encounters with some of you were.


I cry for you, my yesterdays, yesteryears.
Teach me to live for the moment.
I am waiting, wondering how long this - whatever it is - will last.
But I know once it is gone, I will embrace its leftovers, its ashes.

Random thoughts:
  • So she takes better pictures than I do. I just hope I'm a better violin player.

  • Wait a second. Better? Aren't our styles different from each other?

  • You can never really trust anyone. That's an ancient rule made worse by time. As well, you can never be sure of who your readers really are.

  • I HOPE MUM WILL START REGARDING MY VIRTUES AND NOT JUST FOCUSING ON MY FLAWS. Ok, so I'm nowhere near as organized as she is, but she should've given me props for graduating from Indonesia's answer to Harvard with flying colors. I mean, I don't expect her to shower me with presents and all that jazz, but a simple "I'm so proud of you" pat would've made my day.

  • GET. ME. OUT. OF. INDONESIA. Four months are too long. I don't care that some of you doubt I can make it on my own in New Zealand, and to hell with the fact that I'm scared it will change my life for the worse. I'm sick and tired of the fashionistas at PS, beggars in the streets, teenlit authors that write their novels with sticky caps, Friendster sluts, yada yada yada...Send me a one-way ticket to anywhere abroad and I'll be eternally indebted. Quick before I throw up on your clothes.

  • So what if I wear my heart on my sleeve?
  • Listening to: Game - Ayumi Hamasaki
    Tuesday, February 22, 2005, 09:18 a.m.

    I was born in the land of the sun...
    Times like these, I can't wait to flee to New Zealand and begin my extended English literature studies at The University of Auckland. Bring on those Victorian literature works! It's better to drown myself in the likes of The Prince and The Pauper and Sense and Sensibility than to be in the know of who's dating who, what's playing in local theatres, blah de blah blah...
    I wonder. What was my Dutch/French great grandma like? What were my caucasian ancestors like? Were they elegant Victorians like the ones in movies? Was there any Brit along my ancestry line? I have all these questions on my mind, yet I still awkward about asking them to my grandma or her older siblings. Everytime I ask my grandma or my grandaunts/uncles about our European ancestors, I have this a feeling that they think I want to bask in the "Eurasian previledge." Well...maybe a little bit but it's more to curiosity. I also wonder why it's hard for them to recall their grandma...Was there a family scandal? My great grandma might be the last caucasian in the family, but the Dutch tradition really doesn't fade completely...otherwise I wouldn't know lots of Dutch words.

    Listening to: I Will Remember - Toto (the only Toto song I like. There should be a fanlisting for it.)
    Monday, February 21, 2005, 12:56 a.m.

    saint seiyaaaa!
    New layout, baybeh! How do you like it? LOL. Earlier today, as I was having a chat with Henny, the song Pegasus Fantasy, the opening song of the worldwidely famous anime Saint Seiya, popped up on my mind. I downloaded the song and as soon as the download finished I started talking about Saint Seiya with Henny, reminiscing about our childhood. Turned out I've been going through the same phase as his 18-year-old brother William. Henny said he'd been downloading theme songs of his favorite childhood anime series such as Card Captor Sakura and Sailor Moon like crazy. I realize there are lots of nostalgic people in their late teens and early 20's and the easy explanation to why we long for our childhood is because we're in the process of adjusting to adulhood, which is the polar opposite of childhood. For me, it's only one reason. I have another, and I shall keep it to myself for the rest of my life.
    I miss Aqua! I don't like Lene's solo debut, although her new image is totally devoid of the kiddy image she built with Aqua. My fave Aqua videos are Turn Back Time (from first album Aquarium) and We Belong To The Sea (from second/last album Aquarius). I like how they look just the right dose of maturity in those videos, not naughty like Lene's new image.

    Listening to: Pegasus Fantasy - Unknown Japanese artist
    Sunday, February 20, 2005, 10:29 a.m.

    The end of freddy, I guess
    I had a bit of a row with Freddy yesterday which ended up with me deleting and blocking him from my MSN. I don't feel like telling the cause of the argument, but I hope my anger lasts forever. I mean, yes my crush on him has yet to fade but logically speaking he's definitely not a guy you'd take home to mum and dad. He doesn't do well at school, he brags a lot, and in my case, he's younger and shorter than me (I still like to laugh at the imagination of us as the inter-racial Tom and Nicole, and he'd forbid me to wear high heels. LOL). Yeh, I think I did the right thing. Even if I'd gone to bed with him on our only date, he'd have treated me just the same.
    Still on the darned guy, here's a part of a funny conversation I had with Jeff on AIM several days ago...As always, I was giving him another ordeal of a Freddy talk.
    Jeff: Just voodoo him.
    Me: Sounds good. That would be the end of Frederik Scheuermann.
    Jeff: Scheuermann?
    Me: Yes. Still can't believe that's actually his surname. It's the name of a disease that makes the sufferers vertically challenged.
    Jeff: There you go! Imagine what would happen to your kids!
    Me: Hahahaha yeah! He's lived up to his name already!
    Jeff: Isyana Scheuermann...doesn't fit at all.
    Off the topic (oh, the relief!), recently there have been lots of personal domain that begins with the word "vintage", such as Vintage Smile, Vintage Kitten, and Vintage Rose. As I'm always one to stand out of the crowd, I won't use "vintage" in my domain name if one day I really do get a domain.

    Listening to: But Julian, I'm A Little Older Than You - Courtney Love (this goes out to the guys who once had or still have a crush on me, and it includes Freddy! They're all oblivious to the fact that I'm older than them.)
    Friday, February 18, 2005, 08:48 a.m.

    thank you terror...
    I'm doing nothing but browsing through The Fanlistings looking for more fanlistings of my favorite everything or fishing for quizzes. I have no homework...after one hell of an essay about parenting and the translation of an article from The Jakarta Post we did in class today. In all honesty, I don't have anything to blog about.
    Except one thing. Most people I know seem to be broken-hearted despite Valentine's Day which was only three days ago. As for me, I've always been broken-hearted since three months ago...As always, the cause is a guy my heart deems worth a million bucks yet my brain deems worthless.
    My sore throat's getting worse as I haven't had time to see the doctor. I don't feel like taking a rest either. This is weird since I'm not exactly a workaholic but I'd rather do tons of work than lying idle in bed at home.

    Listening to: Thank You - Alanis Morrisette
    Wednesday, February 16, 2005, 11:52 p.m.