***little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice...maybe I'm one of them***

Nana. 22. New Zealand. Indonesian passport. University of Indonesia grad, University of Auckland freshman. Eldest of two. Quirky. Sweet most of the time. Addicted to books, online quizzes, and milky drinks. Single yet in love. LJ, DA. More?

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This site was established in April 2003, and has been up and running ever since. Codes are made using pure HTML and graphics created with Adobe Photoshop 7.0 and uploaded at Photobucket. Contents and all graphics except the ones in quiz and joined pages and banners are copyrighted to me. Brushes can be found here. Pixels are courtesy of Pink Baby. Steal and die. Past layouts?

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A couple of weeks ago The Napianto family, a close family friend, invited me, my uncle and my cousin (my aunt was busy tending to the restaurant) to dinner. Besides us, the other guests were a family consisting of a Pakeha couple with their son, grandson, and Indonesian daughter-in-law. Ray, the little boy, is sooo very cute and has long wavy brown hair and together they make him look very girlish. So naturally I mistook him for a girl until his mum told me Ray was a he. She told me it was his dad's wish to have Ray's hair long and one day he gave her a silent treatment for getting Ray's bangs trimmed. I asked if her hubby wanted to have a daughter and she said no. I thought oh well, some people can be really weird.
The next day, I found out from my aunt that Ray's mum was actually older than her husband. She's in her mid 40s and he's in still late 20s, and I found it shocking since they both seemed to be the same age (oh, the joys of being Asian...). He's her second husband. Back in Indonesia, she's got three or two children, the eldest is 19. So everything became crystal clear to me. The husband is obviously not mature enough to be a husband and dad. I mean, Ray looks totally girlish with his cute face and gorgeous pre-Raphaelite wavy hair and everybody mistakes him for a girl despite the fact that his pants and tops are always of masculine tones. And it's all thanks to his dad! Does he realize that what he's doing to his son now will affect him for the rest of his life? In fact, anything you do to your kids when they're little will leave deep impacts for the rest of their lives, especially if it's something unusual. I think deep down everybody realizes that what they are now is entirely or partly formed by their parents' influence in their childhood. As for the Indo woman, what was she thinking when she married him?

Renata Kusmanto Mariana Renata
Renata Kusmanto and Mariana Renata (hover over the pics to know which is which, genious) are maternal cousins. Renata, a new face in the Indonesian modelling scene, follows the footsteps of her more famous cousin by debuting in a Pond's commercial. Anyway, don't you think they're dead ringers for each other? They really could pass for twins! Now that Mariana has established her acting career (she's just won the 2005 MTV Indonesia movie award for best supporting actress), it really won't be long before movie makers start casting them as twins or sisters!

Listening to: Within Temptation - Bittersweet

Sunday, August 21, 2005, 04:26 a.m.

Ok folks. FTVMS essay current word count is 846, and they're all analysis instead of yumbabble, mind you. That I achieve without Liv's help! Hooray! 154 words to go! However, as for the moment, I'm kinda stuck...
You know, since we have a lot of things in common already, I bet we also share a lot of things that are not supposed to be spoken. Things that are supposedly secrets.
Mischa and Hania Barton are soon gonna be the new Jessica and Ashlee Simpson. You know the plot...the older sister is the good one, and the younger sister is the rebellious one eager to break out of her older sister's shadow. Coincidentally, both Hania and Ashlee have that so-called rock chick 'tude and Hania wants to be a singer. I wonder if she will dye her hair black.
Remember when I promised not to shop until next month a couple of weeks ago? Well, just like my vows to put my blog on a hiatus, this is easily broken. Today I bought a hippie pink bag in a cutesy Japanese boutique downtown, and it cost me $30. Here's how the baggie looks like.

Actually there are a lot of things I wanna buy...Glow by J.Lo (it smells REALLY heavenly and most importantly the fragrance is long-lasting. I sprayed it on my left wrist yesterday afternoon at Galleria and until this morning the scent was still there!), Rip Curl thermos and tee...but I'm saving them for next month.

Listening to: Madonna - Like A Virgin

Saturday, August 20, 2005, 05:47 p.m.

essay and movie discount
Ok, English 103 essay turned out pretty good and is already handed in. Despite the confusion, headache, and mambo jumbo, I actually enjoyed e-mailing Ann (my tutor) with the drafts of my essay and I loved it when she was online at the same time and so she could give me quick replies.
My FTVMS 101 essay is in the works, and the first part (mise-en-scene) turned out not to be as difficult as I thought. However, the second part (editing) is rather tough...and I can't find the film jargons I'm dying to know the meanings of in both the class handouts and the glossary of Film Art: An Introduction, one of my FTVMS textbooks. To make matters worse, this essay is due next Tuesday and my tutor Liv has made it clear that she's not gonna do anything pertaining to her job on weekends. Bummer. And, it looks like Liv only reads and replies students' e-mails after we notify her in person. Oh gawd. If I can't meet Liv on Monday and she hasn't seen to my e-mail and essay draft by then I'll put in anything that enters my mind, just to make the word count reach 1,000 (the minimum length). At the moment the word count is 615.
I can't wait for the coming Tuesday either. I'll be free of all first assignments by then and the FTVMS class reps, Bryce and Tania, have somehow lobbied the manager of Sky City cinema to decrease the movie fare from around $13 to $8.50 only for us film students, so we're gonna see Sin City at 08.00 PM next Tuesday! Yay yay yay! Bryce is hot, and he's very likely to be there, and maybe that other hot hunk from the class will be there too...
And one more thing to look forward to...The two-week mid-semester break! I've planned sleepovers! Life is good...
I've submitted the second entry of the Multicultural Mosaic competition, and as Jonathan wished my new poster is colorful, but personally I don't really like it.

Listening to: Christina Millian - AM to PM

Friday, August 19, 2005, 01:45 p.m.

HAPPY BELATED 60TH INDEPENDENCE ANNIVERSARY TO MY BELOVED COUNTRY, INDONESIA! I remember ten years ago, the 50th anniversary, there was a HUGE celebration. People started decorating their houses with colorful lights months before 17th of August, and TV channels infused the golden celebration elements into their logos. Companies released 50th independence anniversary versions of their commercials also month before the big day came. This year, before I left, there was no sign of big celebration, but no doubt there are 60th independence anniversary editions of commercials, and I wonder what the president said about Indonesia reaching 60...Oh, there's a celebration sometime late this month here, and the only thing that tempts me to go is the lucky draw prize of a Garuda Indonesia return ticket to Jakarta!
I'm sooo busy of late. My English 103 (NZ literature) is done and I'm relieved it's finally reached 849 words (the minimal length is 800 words). I kept revising the essay according to my tutor's advice and for some time it really never got past 500-ish words...Anyway, it's a poem analysis based on syntax, manner of construction, topical/cultural references (I especially agonized over these, because the poem is by a Samoan New Zealander poet and she's talking about animal tattoos made with a hammer and a chisel...It wasn't until my tutor pointed out that they're traditional Samoan tattoos that I began a long and hard research on them!), tone, wording...Still think English literature is a piece of cake? And then came my new Multicultural Mosaic poster. Yea, so Jonathan sort of refused my previous one saying he "wished to see something more organic because Multicultural Mosaic is a festival" (that's why I deleted the Multicultural Mosaic part of the previous entry. I was really pissed off). I can understand him wanting to see "street culture" kind of posters, but how was I supposed to know it's a festival since he didn't mention it in the competition ad? I was tired and I thought I could never design a new poster because I wasn't done with my English 103 essay and I haven't started working on my FTVMS 101 essay (the hardest essay yet), but my mates urged me to re-enter to "show the man what I'm made of." But a new idea soon entered my head and today I'll work on the new poster. I'm sure it won't take a long time (an hour at most I guess) and after that I'll do my films paper, which is due on Tuesday the 23rd. I might go on a hiatus.
I watched Flashback on TV last night and it was a Michael Jackson special. It showed vidoes dating back to the days when Jacko was a good-looking black young man. I mean, he REALLY was good-looking! Take a look at his Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough video, for example. I bet present-day young girls still find the young Jacko hot, and then realize in horror that he's now a rather disfigured white man, with his pearly whites probably the only things that remain the same.

Listening to: Lucie Silvas - Breathe In

Thursday, August 18, 2005, 04:23 a.m.

kiss me and kiss me til Im dead...
The packages from home arrived yesterday. They comprised my Ayumi Hamasaki and Secret Garden CD's, handbags, tees, Oriflame toiletries...I couldn't be happier! Except one thing...My mum seemed to have misunderstood what I meant by "the Giordano trousers that have pockets on either side." I meant the full-length one, not the three quarter one, and the latter is what was sent over. Would've been better if she'd sent both, but the shorter one alone is blah.
Talking of my mum, she went to Bandung yesterday and she said she'd bought me skirts to be sent to NZ. Lovely! But Bandung!!! I was green with envy. I have no idea how long it will be before I can go there again. I plan on partaking in the school's exchange student programme next year...
You know...I've sent my masterpieces (essays, graphics, etc) to people I would love to hear feedback from, only to get nothing in return...Well yea there was someone who came with "this is not what we expect to see" type of feedback, but that was really it. I'm pissed, but let's just say they're too scared of me and they plan on passing my idea as their own. Heh, I'm entitled to flattery...

Listening to: Mundy - To You I Bestow

Tuesday, August 16, 2005, 05:42 am

just a little unwell
Admit it, we're all confused.
Growing up in Jakarta, a metropolis that is the melting pot of all cultures including western, I've always had friends of different backgrounds (in terms of social classes, education, and ethnicities) all my life. At an early age, I'd learned that tube tops and mini skirts were ok thanks to the diet of American TV shows and music videos I grew up on, but at the same time I'd also been taught by parents and teachers to always cover up. Growing up, and entered the internet, I begun to think kissing was cool and sex was ok, but simultaneously, the elders at home and teachers at school kept drumming chastity into my head, resulting in the proud 22-year-old virgin that I am today. Overseas travels and expat friends at home brought western manners - no burping, no asking for age, minding your own business - which I follow although I don't understand the two formers. What's wrong with burping? It's the most natural thing to do...and you can never help doing it in public even if you cover your mouth and try not to make a sound. As for the age thingie, why be ashamed of your age? I mean, you don't want people to underestimate you because they THINK you're younger than you really are and get pissed because you're asked for your ID card before you can buy alcohol or enter a club, DO YOU? Wisdom DOES come with age, as are experiences. Plus, if celebs don't mind telling their ages then why should you? Minding my own business - I admit, in a country where you don't really have privacy like Indo it's rather hard to do. I don't know how many times I've heard some girl gets pregnant out of wedlock and I try to shrug it off like it's no big deal, but deep down I can't help scrutinizing and I have moderate sucsess in refraining from talking about it.
No matter how used I am to the dual culture, I still find it shocking when mates with whom I used to share my Indo culture became so westernized. Like when a friend started dating a white expat and so she spent most of her time hanging out with the white dude and his fellow expat mates, she started ignoring her parents and wearing revealing clothes. And upon her new-found life philosophies ("You know Nana, your life is yours and don't let anyone - even your mum - spoil it. Who you date, who you fuck - that should be your business alone!"), I was like, "Gweez you weren't like this before! You've spent too much time with those bules!" In this case, yes my life is mine, thank you. Otherwise I would've been studying communication science instead of English literature. But you don't need to badmouth your mum right in her face to make a point, do you? And what do you mean by "fuck"?
Out of Indo, I'm thrown farther at sea. Living with my uncle and aunt and sometimes helping the latter out in the restaurant, contacts with Indonesians here are inevitable. I've met Kiwi/Indos who separate themselves from fresh Indo immigarants because their way of thinking is different from the latters'. Premarital sex, alcohol, and parties are everyday life stuff for them, but to the fresh immigrants they're clearly not, and these people like to condemn those caught with what they consider misconducts by their standard, which definitely include premarital sex, alcohol, and parties. I know two Indonesian women in their 30s who are currently living with their white boyfriends under the same roof. They say it's the only way to make sure that your partner is really right for you. By sharing a love nest with him, you'll get to know what he's really like behind closed doors (no I'm not talking about sex), and then if his whole personality fits you, you can proceed to next level: marriage. Well, I admit to being convinced that maybe it was the only way. Good guys care more about their girls' personalities than their hymens, don't they? However, after thinking long and hard, I decided that what is precious shall remain precious, and precious things do remain precious no matter what, right? Take diamonds for example. They keep shining briliantly no matter how much they're cut. And - most importantly - always keep in mind that what is earned is always loved. If you decide to remain chaste your guy should appreciate that, instead of talking you into letting him get under your pants. If he doesn't wanna wait, then he's not right for you. Simple as that.
Sometimes, I feel lucky to be stuck in loneliness here. If I hang out with the fresh Indo immigrants a lot, I'll never get to broaden my horizon. If I hang out with the locals and/or Kiwi Indos most of the time, I'll most likely to be lured into getting myself stone drunk and having one night stands. However, even though I'm glad my loneliness has been keeping me uncorrupted, I hope to make some mates just to relive the happy days I had back home!

Listening to: Matchbox Twenty - Unwell

Monday, August 15, 2005, 12:25 a.m.