when one loses a dear bestie...
My total lack of patience results in a lousy cheap-ass MP3 player. And now I feel like a bitch for making mum promise to buy me an Ipod. Bah.
It's scary how I'm ACTUALLY more attached to technology than human beings. It doesn't bother me to have very little contact with my best mates but you see how the loss of my Iriver makes me cranky. And upon moving to Epsom in a week (finally!), the thing that bothers me the most is how long the DSL installment will take. I can't imagine going home to no internet connection...
That's it, guys. The way to my heart is NOT through diamonds or flowers. Heck, you don't even need to buy/make me lunch or dinner or shower me with flowery words. Simply be there for me during my Miss Crankypants days and if you're financially well off, buy me a gadget or two. Yes, you hear me right. Gadgets say it for me, and roses don't.
Anyway, I'm torn between a vintage pink dress that I saw at Tango (the vintage stuff shop I told you about in one of the entries below) and a Christian Dior necklace for my 23rd birthday present. Mind you, I'm NOT asking anyone to get me either. It's ME who's going to get it. My girl mates are horrified at the idea of giving yourself a birthday present. So pathetic, they say. But then again, when you're all alone in a foreign country in which everybody's so damn busy with themselves one of the ways to stay sane and happy is to treat yourself to a little luxury.
You...me...we...us. Best friends. Or so I think.
EDIT: I was right. Us? Best mates? What's that supposed to mean?
Lesson of the day: trust your insting, not your emotions. Observe more, fight less (from Come Drink With Me.)
I talked to my mum today about everything, including you *evil cackle* Mein gott, how refreshing. I hadn't had a talk like that with mama for eons and when I do have such a talk it always surprises me how she can sound like my girls, only better. It was a relief to me, and maybe it was a relief to her as well.
I miss my 20-year-old self. Back then you could tell me the whole world loathed me or my hair sucked, and I would just laugh in your face, shrug, and walk away. Yes, I had this genuine devil-may-care attitude. But do that to me now and you would see me smiling yet slightly shaking.
And you. Yes you. Heh, dulu gue kira Andreas tuh makhluk paling aneh dalam hidup gue. Kalo lo mau gue cabut dari hidup elo, kenapa elo masih baca blog gue tah? Kenapa lo sampe go into such trouble sih? Look, bisa ngga sih kita jujur to each other? Bisa ngga kita sih kita berkelakuan kayak anak kuliahan umur 20-an? In short, KAYAK ORANG DEWASA? Hah. Capek gue sama elo.
Times like these, I miss my brother. It's funny to realize we have a rather good older sister-younger brother relationship. When we were kids I looked out for him, and now as 20-somethings it's him who looks out for me. And the funnier thing is that he looks out for me without seeming to do so, without showing any emotion. Shortly before his departure to Japan last year, he knew a player best mate of his had been having his eyes on me so he warned him not to go near me. I didn't find it out until about two months after he'd left for Sakuraland. Now I wish he was here. Was he here, he would've seen it coming and sent a warning to the guy without hinting at it to me. I would be spared the pain, but most importantly I would be blissfully unaware of what the guys were up to. Aw lil' bro. Miss ya so.
Listening to: me still mourning the loss of my precious bestie, Iriver (for serious now)
Sunday, March 19, 2006, 12:31 p.m.
the big loss
Ok, breaking news:
I. LOST. MY. MP3 PLAYER (IRIVER)
I lost it today at either The Commons' level 0 computer room or the short loan library. I might also have dropped it along the way from The Commons to that Korean restaurant in front of Aotea Centre. Whatever. I've reported it to AUSA's lost property desk and they'll give me a call when someone brings it to them. I give them a week, and if there's still no report I'll get a new one. Probably the latest Iriver (which won the best review in a Max issue) or an Ipod. No big loss...no big loss...
Hang on. IT IS.
I mean, plugging in the earphones of my compact white Iriver meant escaping the real world. I didn't mind having no one to talk to because I was already drowned in a world provided by the music in my Iriver. Do you know how much I hate listening to other people's conversations on the streets and on the bus? Oh well. A week ain't long. If I can make it I might as well apply for the SJS Survivor (if there's a sequel to the present one.) If I can live without an MP3 player for a week then five days are small fries.
Looking on the bright side, I guess I really need a break from MP3 player noise. Last night my left ear kinda hurt, and I found out I could actually concentrate on reading textbooks on the bus without my MP3's.
Iriver talk aside, I don't understand while my girl mates are urging me to "find myself" lately. I guess what they actually mean is building my own image. What I want people to think of me. If that's the case, hell, I tried that long ago. When I was 14, I tried to give out this tough and independent girl image, and guess what: I failed miserably.
I might be proven wrong soon or maybe I'll regret writing this, but I've learnt that whatever I do, there's little I can do to change people's perception of me. Yea sure you can change how other people think of you...IF YOU SPEND MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME WITH THEM. Let's see, out of - say - 100 people that you know, only about 10 will stick around for a long time. It's these 10 that will get to see the real you. The other 90 will most likely bring to their graves their old perception of you. Besides, I actually like the girl who makes me ME. So what if I'm silly and clumsy, I never mean to be so and every single breathing human being on God's earth has silly and clumsy moments. And if you don't like my being silly and clumsy, then why the heck do you still spend time with me?
EDIT: I ran into Casey outside The Commons, shortly before I realized my Iriver was missing. We said hi to each other, and even though I really no longer crush on him I still hate the fact that he saw me at my messiest. Anyway, there's this year's first poetry reading at Strata in a week, and I've no idea if I'll come. Casey will be there for sure, being a poetry enthusiast. And so am I, but I really don't want him to get the wrong idea even if I don't sit next to him as usual. Speaking of poetry readings I miss Lina so much...Girlie's gone back to Sweden (she was an exchange student) and until January her beau Flavius was still in A-town (no idea if he's still here now)...But poetry-readings just won't be fun without Lina! I fancy having the entire gang present at the upcoming poetry reading, but it's a mere wishful thinking of course. Listening to: me mourning the loss of my bestest mate on earth, my Iriver...NOT.
Thursday, March 16, 2006, 07:17 p.m.
My mate Jason, on checking out my baby's ex girlfriend's blog: I think he's downgrading...going from princess to computer geek!
Me: *smacks Jason left, right, and centre*
I hate it when people I barely know call me dear. No reason, I just loathe it. Please, by all means, if we don't know each other well avoid the word 'dear.'Listening to: Lee Hyori - Two Faces
Tuesday, March 14, 2006, 10:21 a.m.
lagi heppi berath...
You know, I just LOVE LOVE LOVE that vintage stuff shop in the building that's joint with the midtown Whitcoulls...I went there today and guess what I found this PRETTY 1980's Laura Ashley maternity dress. I want! But maternity dresses are maternity dresses so they're only to be worn when you're pregnant. They look ugly on skinny girls. Sigh. Paging shop owner: keep the dress until I find someone, tie the knot, and be a pregger, will ya? I don't know how long it will take...Five years? LOL.
Finally...finalement...akhirnya...I bought that skirt. Yeps. After having contemplated for about two weeks. For half the original price too. Sweet.
So crazily in love with the baby. All I want to do is be near him, talk to him, text him...And right now I'm reading the blog of one of his ex girlfriends'. Aaaaaarrrggghh she's so pretty and lean and stylish! It's ok, it's ok...they've been long since over and he's mine now, albeit unofficially. Yeah right.
Listening to: T.A.T.U - Friend or Foe
Monday, March 13, 2006, 05:46 p.m.
Christine! Tell your hubby to approve my friend request. It's been forever since I submitted it. Tell him not to be an ass...Hahaha.
Indonesia...has been getting worse and worse since I've been gone. Now it's sick with a new disease: Anti Pornography Law. Funny how the parliament actually listens to "Dangdut king" Rhoma Irama who treats women like crap and assumes men in whole world think like he does. Omigod, I even shudder at the thought of going home.
Went to Pasifika Festival with Caleb and some kids from UMSA yesterday. Took pics, some are in my Friendster profile, and some I don't feel like showing, but I let you on in one of them.
That's Rosita Vai, an NZ Idol winner, performing in the Samoa section of the festival. I didn't know she's Samoan. I always thought she was Indian...Oh well.
Highlight of the day: When I kept an eye on one-year-old Hapsha Napianto while her mum was bathing her four-year-old bro. I held her in my hands and we sang Balonku together. I sang two other Indonesian nursery rhymes to her and stopped after I sang the last one because I was surprised at realizing I didn't know any more Indo nursery rhymes. Well I know Naik ke Puncak Gunung alright, but I know only the first half of the lyrics. Sad aye. Just shows how old I am.Listening to: nothing
Sunday, March 12, 2006, 06:15 p.m.
I love you, my darling Adonis. I so wanna tell the world how lucky I am to be in your strong arms.
I got a friend request on Friendster. I thought this girl was just like the ones asking me to add them lately, total strangers who only want to look popular and cool by adding fellow total strangers to their accounts, but a couple of hours later I realized this girl was indeed someone I knew back in the days...Tita and I went to the same kindergarten and elementary school, and omigod I even remember what she wore to my sixth birthday bash! Hahaha...and by the way Tita REALLY is a dead ringer for my cousin Nadya. Or maybe I should put that reversely since Nadya's younger. So, here are Nadya and Tita. What do you think?
Listening to: nothing
Saturday, March 11, 2006, 01:16 a.m.